7-10-08

5 pm
Costa Rica

Yesterday was awesome, but strange. We worked with about two hundred local Castle members. We did a random street ministry in the town center. We went on all different sides of the park and stopped streets at random moments to do our dances and dramas. When we weren’t stopping traffic we were passing out tons of tracks and balloon animals.
One man accepted Jesus in his stopped car as we prayed with him. Some wept, children smiled and laughed. It was awesome and powerful. We made the news…. Wow. After a few hours of that, we prepared for a night service.
We had extra time before the service so we had our own mini service. We prayed for a baptism of the Holy Spirit. Eventually it ended up to where all the people being prayed over were surrounded by a circle of kneeling Warriors interceding for them.
During our night service, I went up to the altar for worship. I was seeking an anointing, a touch, and power that I felt I had lost somehow. I fell to my knees begging for a fresh start and strength. When I opened my eyes the altar was filled. People were weeping and praising and my team members were raying over everyone including each other.
I fell face down on the floor, still begging for that touch from anyone as a sign. No one touched me. I waited. I know I don’t need a touch from a human hand as a sign, but that’s what I was waiting for; but it never came.
I looked up again and saw everyone either being prayed for, or praying for somebody. Everyone except for me. I felt so alone. I wrapped my arms around my knees and cried, feeling like the outcast.
Erin came and hugged me. She didn’t say anything, she just hugged me. When I finally opened my eyes we were the only ones at the altar. I hugged her back and moved to the side. Honestly, I still felt like the odd one out, the out cast, secluded. God put on my heart to read my scripture in order to receive his touch. I read throughout the whole service in silence, in waiting, and honestly, somewhat in doubt.
I went to bed that way, and woke up in that same state of mind. I wanted that fresh anointing, and I was sick of feeling alone. The whole day seemed to get worse. I felt persecuted for everything, like I was doing everything wrong, like I was just in the way.
On the bus, Erin asked me how I was. We were the only two on the bus and I told her, “All right, but my day has kind of sucked.” She gave me a hug and I began to cry as she prayed joy over me. Carlos came on the bus, my father figure on the trip, and hugged me as well. He told me Jesus loves me and then he told me that I make his day, which is somewhat an inside joke between us.
I began to lighten up, but I still felt extremely stressed out. We were at a program and I was praying in a circle with some other team members. God put on my heart a word for each of them there so I touched each of them and spoke out, realizing that in that moment I had received the touch I had been waiting for.
Kristal laid her hand on me and thanked God for my obedience. After that we had some down time before lunch was ready so we began praying and worshipping in our individual time with God.
I kneeled and worshiped, becoming silent. Emily came and kneeled next to me and prayed for my family’s salvation and for my strength. Then she began praying that I would recognize my anointing, that even though I can’t see it or it’s results, she prayed that I would know it’s there and that it’s blessing somebody. She prayed that I would have confidence and that whenever I ask for a sign I would find it in him.
It’s funny how God works. We did another program and had some down time and now were getting ready for another service. I felt at peace at last. I feel somewhat foolish for letting myself think for an instant that I was alone. I thank God for his grace.